Thank you all for your lovely, encouraging words. I certainly see my
journey as a series of life lessons. The part that discourages me is
how slow I am to learn the lessons! :-)
It's as if I wander into the same 'briar patch' over and over again,
and each time I get back up, dust myself off, put on my 'rose coloured
glasses' and walk straight back in!
The garden door always looks a little different. Sometimes it's so
beautiful I can't resist. Sometimes it seems so warm and inviting that
I'm sure I'll find security. Sometimes the door looks so
professionally made that I assume it must have been put together by
someone who really knows their stuff! Sometimes it's a combination of
many things. I convince myself that if the door looks different then
the garden behind it must be different too.
Then, a few months later, when I find myself getting hooked on all the
thorns again, I realise that the beauty on the surface masks the
addictive personality. The warmth and invitation masks the 'charm'
meant to manipulate. And the oh-so-together turns out to be the
controller.
I don't understand why I can't see it! It is so obvious further down
the track. My friends and family see it. I would see it if it was
happening to someone else!
And the truth is, I even know WHY I do it. But that's another story...
Life is such a trip! It doesn't feel very funny right now while I'm in
the thick of it, but I'm sure I'll look back at some point in the
future and have a laugh...
Thanks everyone!
--- In mylifeismine@
<fionacomber@
>
> I didn't mean to make light of the enormous strain and emotional
> turmoil that comes with the end of a relationship. Reading back over
> my own post, I can see how it might sound a little shallow and
> heartless.
>
> I just wanted to say that just because a relationship does not last
> forever, it doesn't mean that it wasn't a success. It is a very narrow
> way to judge yourself if you feel you have failed each time a
> relationship ends. All relationships end eventually. Either through a
> parting of the ways, a wrenching apart of your two hearts or death of
> some sort (physical or emotional).
>
> It is very difficult to overcome the damage and hurt that can result
> from relationship breakdown. The grief process can be unbearable and
> the scars remain for many years. I don't mean to understate that at
> all.
>
> I had a number of different relationships before I met my husband. I
> felt like a failure in this field - totally. I am very happy now. I
> attribute this to the change that came about in me when i got very
> very clear about what a successful relationship would mean to me.
>
> My relationship and situation would not suit everyone. It is great for
> me. Without going into details (and bragging about my good marriage
> ;P) let me just say - Make a list of what you want and you will
> attract the person and the situation that best suits you.
>
> Use the laws of attraction to your advantage. Meditate on what this
> relationship success is and try not to think about the "failures" that
> are behind you. They aren't failures, just really intense periods of
> personal growth. Say it with gritted teeth through the pain if you
> have to.
>
> It may take some time to talk yourself into this way of thinking, and
> it will feel weird for a while if you are hurting it might seem wrong.
> After a while, your thoughts will change and with that comes a change
> in how you feel. Slowly.
>
> It's like working out and getting fit...it can sneak up on you and
> suddenly something happens and you say to yourself I think I feel a
> bit more positive...just a little bit.
>
> My apologies if I offended anyone with my metaphor. I didn't take the
> feedback personally, it was a fair comment.
>
>
> --- In mylifeismine@
> <mattynaught01@
> >
> > oh i understand that it was a metaphor but i find it sad that so
> many are prepared to move on readily when a relationship becomes
> difficult
> > i think that is what i was getting at sangita
> > i think we both have seen that life is not all good and i would say
> that we need some adversity to test relationships sometimes
> > perhaps i am blind
> > i also believe we should do away with war
> > i suppose some of these things i think are not possible but they are
> where i think we all need to be heading towards
> > i have been under enormous stress with fires you may have heard of
> them in victoria. i have friends who have lost homes and some, my
> oldest daughter included are missing so i am thinking only with some
> of my attention
> > but i think this is an important point to discuss
> > and i hope you did not take it personnaly fiona
> >
> > love to all
> >
> > matt
> >
> > --- On Sun, 2/8/09, sangita borgave <sangita142002@
> >
> > From: sangita borgave <sangita142002@
> > Subject: Re: [mylifeismine] Re: Relationship myths and legends
> > To: mylifeismine@
> > Date: Sunday, February 8, 2009, 10:12 AM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > I think it was just a metaphor.
> >
> > --- On Sat, 7/2/09, matthew naughton <mattynaught01@ yahoo.com>
> wrote:
> >
> > From: matthew naughton <mattynaught01@ yahoo.com>
> > Subject: Re: [mylifeismine] Re: Relationship myths and legends
> > To: mylifeismine@ yahoogroups. com.au
> > Cc: fionacomber@ yahoo.com. au
> > Date: Saturday, 7 February, 2009, 2:23 PM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > a house is a pile of bricks
> > a person is a soul
> > please do not compare and please do not belittle the importance of a
> life long relationship of love and commitment
> >
> > --- On Sat, 2/7/09, fionacomber <fionacomber@ yahoo.com. au> wrote:
> >
> > From: fionacomber <fionacomber@ yahoo.com. au>
> > Subject: [mylifeismine] Re: Relationship myths and legends
> > To: mylifeismine@ yahoogroups. com.au
> > Date: Saturday, February 7, 2009, 1:58 AM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Hi there,
> >
> > I don't have much to offer in terms of advice, but I thought that
> you
> > might benefit from another perspective. Each of your relationships
> > could be seen as a journey or an experience rather than an
> achievement
> > of success or failure. What would a successful relationship be like
> > for you? how long would it last? How would you say it's a success
> and
> > by what definition are you calling it a failure?
> >
> > Nothing is altogether black or all white. There are positives that
> > come from each relationship and the lessons that you can learn from
> > the people who touch your lives. Sometimes that is for a short time,
> > sometimes that is for much longer. Even if you stay with the same
> > person for a number of years, you will grow and change together as
> > your needs change.
> >
> > Not many people live in the same house forever. They move house for
> so
> > many reasons. It doesn't mean the house was a failure, or that their
> > living situation was a failure. It's just a house. Some houses are
> > more suitable than others. Some are more comfortable than others,
> > some are more expensive too.
> >
> > it's just a thought...Not the solution for you, but hopefully you
> can
> > find some hope there.
> >
> > -- In mylifeismine@ yahoogroups. com.au, "tiffanymeek2000"
> > <tiffanymeek2000@ ...> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hi there everyone
> > >
> > > My life has been a series of failed relationships since I was 16.
> I
> > am
> > > now 40. I feel as if I have been duped in some way. I have a
> believe
> > > system around relationships based on what I have been taught by my
> > > parents/friends, and by television/movies/ books. So much of this
> > > belief system seems to be myths and legend. Are there men out
> there
> > > who WANT to have an exceptional life with their female partner?
> This
> > > is not a sarcastic question, it comes straight from my heart. Are
> > > there emotionally available men out there who seek a connection
> with
> > > their partner on both a physical and mental level? I want a
> > > relationship that is so much more than mundane. I want a
> > relationship
> > > where the differences between men and women are celebrated. I want
> a
> > > relationship that is built on honesty, openness and trust. I want
> my
> > > life to be full of joy and I want a partner who wants the same for
> > > himself. Is my belief system unrealistic? Should I be prepared to
> > > settle for less?
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Add more friends to your messenger and enjoy! Invite them now.
> >
>
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