Hi Matt,
I understand, but my approach is based on how I live my life. Is the marriage basically a 'good' one when the husband is unfaithful?
Your opinion suggests you think extra marital affairs are OK (lol).
Just because a marriage has lasted a long time doesn't mean it should be continued. The longer a mistake is made doesn't make it better, sometimes is only extends the length of injury and pain.
Tact and diplomacy are a must.
That the husband is looking outside the marriage is proof that he isn't getting something he needs within it. This doesn't mean a better solution can't be found.
Reading John Gray's books, particularly 'How to get what you want and want what you have' and 'Men, women and relationships: making peace with the opposite sex' might save their marriage if the husband becomes aware of why he is looking outside his marriage and both are willing to do something positive about it.
It is likely that there is a lack of communication between husband and wife, and that they don't understand the dynamics of their relationship, as in the differences between men's and women's thinking. John Gray's books have been such an eye-opener for me, making it easier to understand male/female thinking and helping me understand just how different we are. That we are supposed to be different in this way.
Knowledge is power.
Bottom line for me is fidelity and trust. If I don't have that then what's the point? I might as well share my life with the neighbour or guy down the street.
Men need to feel trusted, appreciated and accepted; women need to feel respected, understood and cared for. Neither has what they want so is this a good marriage?
Should a caring friend step in and say something to either or both and so allow the opportunity for positive change?
As things currently stand in the marriage, it isn't a good one or the husband wouldn't have an online profile at a singles site. He's not single.
What's the definition of a good marriage?
TTFN
Sue
matthew naughton wrote:
--- On Mon, 2/16/09, Sue McEwen <chinkajack@iprimus.com.au> wrote:
From: Sue McEwen <chinkajack@iprimus.com.au>
Subject: Re: [mylifeismine] What to do?? Friend's hubby is a cheater.....
To: mylifeismine@yahoogroups. com.au
Date: Monday, February 16, 2009, 12:24 PM
You can only follow your conscience. Were I in your place I would tell my best friend what I know.
It might be that she knows and appears to be ignorant to save face, and maybe not. Some relationships are like this, and many are not.
The eaisest way to tell your friend might be to show her a printout of his online profile. Say 'look what I found' and that you are worried about her.
If everything is OK between them there should be no harm done.
Marriage is supposed to be based on trust and commitment.
If he is doing this behind his wife's back then he has betrayed her trust and the basic premise of marriage.
Would you be happy if one of your friends knew your husband (for eg.) was doing this and they didn't tell you?
Probably not.
If your friend becomes angry that you stuck your nose in - simply tell her you did it because you care about her, your best friend.
TTFN
Sue.
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