It goes to show how difficult it can be to give advice to strangers on
the road of life. When do we become the master, and when do we remain
the student? Is there a right and a wrong, or are there only shades of
grey? Will advice that is of benefit to one party, also be of equal
benefit to the other? Are we hearing the full story and therefore
giving a fully considered response? And how do we know that our advice
isn't coloured by our own life experience?
And if those questions can be answered, then have a go at telling me
this... What is the meaning of life?!!! LOL!
Tiff
--- In mylifeismine@
<mattynaught01@
>
> i agree that the rotten sod should be shot from a cannon to the
centre of the sun, and no i do not think that a loving couple married
or otherwise should involve others in their sex life
> it seems to lead to great disasters in a lot of cases
> if it were my friend i would have told them what i knew, but this is
someone i do not know.
> i know nothing of their circumstance, and as such it would be unwise
to suggest saying something to the wife first.
> taht is what i think, he should be made to feel ashamed of himself
and if i were asked to do that even not knowing him i would do so.
> it poses many difficult questions however, most of which we as
onlookers, as you must admit we are, cannot answer.
> so advice must be very carefully metred out. and very carefully
thought out..
> i know she ought have been told but i cannot say from where i sit
what effect this would have had.
> and that worries me.
> having lost friends who killed themselves over the smallest things,
having lost friends who caught thier partners cheating and resorted to
murder and suicide, i can feel the very real concequence of a few ill
placed words very deep inside me.
> these are real outcomes from people becoming entagled in webs of
deceit and confusion.
> so i would not give advice so lightly.
> i am happy to hear that she now has found out and i hope she is
within her means to be able to dispense this rotten man.
> my sympathies go out to her.
> but asked the same question again, from so far a distance i would
answer the same.
> not the right thing i know but the least harmful approach perhaps.
> if anyone wants to discuss this further i for one would be very
happy to do so.
>
>
> matt
>
> --- On Tue, 2/17/09, Sue McEwen <chinkajack@
>
> From: Sue McEwen <chinkajack@
> Subject: Re: [mylifeismine] What to do?? Friend's hubby is a
cheater.....
> To: mylifeismine@
> Date: Tuesday, February 17, 2009, 3:48 PM
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Hi Matt,
> I understand, but my approach is based on how I live my life. Is the
marriage basically a 'good' one when the husband is unfaithful?
> Your opinion suggests you think extra marital affairs are OK (lol).
> Just because a marriage has lasted a long time doesn't mean it
should be continued. The longer a mistake is made doesn't make it
better, sometimes is only extends the length of injury and pain.
> Tact and diplomacy are a must.
> That the husband is looking outside the marriage is proof that he
isn't getting something he needs within it. This doesn't mean a better
solution can't be found.
> Reading John Gray's books, particularly 'How to get what you want
and want what you have' and 'Men, women and relationships: making
peace with the opposite sex' might save their marriage if the husband
becomes aware of why he is looking outside his marriage and both are
willing to do something positive about it.
> It is likely that there is a lack of communication between husband
and wife, and that they don't understand the dynamics of their
relationship, as in the differences between men's and women's
thinking. John Gray's books have been such an eye-opener for me,
making it easier to understand male/female thinking and helping me
understand just how different we are. That we are supposed to be
different in this way.
> Knowledge is power.
> Bottom line for me is fidelity and trust. If I don't have that then
what's the point? I might as well share my life with the neighbour or
guy down the street.
> Men need to feel trusted, appreciated and accepted; women need to
feel respected, understood and cared for. Neither has what they want
so is this a good marriage?
> Should a caring friend step in and say something to either or both
and so allow the opportunity for positive change?
> As things currently stand in the marriage, it isn't a good one or
the husband wouldn't have an online profile at a singles site. He's
not single.
> What's the definition of a good marriage?
> TTFN
> Sue
>
> matthew naughton wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> sue, what you suggest could potentially destroy what could be a
basically good marriage
> you dont know i understand how you feel but if it was my best friend
i would aproach the other one first to try to save their marriage, do
not take this too lightly marriage that has lasted some time is
something to treasure
>
> --- On Mon, 2/16/09, Sue McEwen <chinkajack@
>
> From: Sue McEwen <chinkajack@
> Subject: Re: [mylifeismine] What to do?? Friend's hubby is a
cheater.....
> To: mylifeismine@ yahoogroups. com.au
> Date: Monday, February 16, 2009, 12:24 PM
>
>
>
>
> You can only follow your conscience. Were I in your place I would
tell my best friend what I know.
> It might be that she knows and appears to be ignorant to save face,
and maybe not. Some relationships are like this, and many are not.
> The eaisest way to tell your friend might be to show her a printout
of his online profile. Say 'look what I found' and that you are
worried about her.
> If everything is OK between them there should be no harm done.
> Marriage is supposed to be based on trust and commitment.
> If he is doing this behind his wife's back then he has betrayed her
trust and the basic premise of marriage.
> Would you be happy if one of your friends knew your husband (for
eg.) was doing this and they didn't tell you?
> Probably not.
> If your friend becomes angry that you stuck your nose in - simply
tell her you did it because you care about her, your best friend.
> TTFN
> Sue.
>
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