| Hi Kim I read you mail very care fully and sorry for all the suffering. Good thing is about you is now you opening up to your self . After suffering and not knowing being ignorant you have gone through enough. Its time for you to say NO to suffering and enjoy the peace. I read lots and lots of self development book . That is where i found freedom. Don't stick your self to food tv and bed in your home . Go out to the nearest library , Sit down from morning to Afternoon, read books as much as you like . Know there are people in your situation. If one of them ask you to help them how would help them ? Meditation is a very good way to connect you with your mind and soul . Its not a rocket science and it will not give you any result just in a day. I recommend 10 minutes meditation every day two time for 40 days and you can see change. Also a good way to keep your self out is write down each and every difficult moment. Keep your room full of pen and little notebooks ... write down who are you angry with? What is your fear at the moment . Why do u think what is happening is happening ... My story I been abused by my uncle sexually in my childhood ; I could not let my parents know about this even today (now i am 33) . My sexuality change from straight to gay. I knew I am gay but was not happy with my identity. I was always in denial with my self and always was angry with every thing . I acted as straight man infront of my friends and family . I knew from then on that I am living a duel life . Its very difficult world for me . I was sex from men I want love from women. To make big story short , year 2000 I came to Australia as a student and got my degree, residency and citizenship. Thats good thing...with that I fall in love with a self deniel guy . I wasted 5 years . I wasted deep love .I wasted so much of me. I cant reveil in words. Then I just come to a decision " Its only you who can give your self happiness " . Nothing else matter. No relationship nothing . I start a journey for my self. I want to be a public speaker and a counsellor . I want to teach people that life is a big gift and they have choice. Each human been is made through light of God and they have so much potential in them. (by the way can one give me suggestion , how can I start on this ? ) I am wishing all of you a very happy life. Ivan . --- On Mon, 15/6/09, Kim Hillier <kanga4282@yahoo.
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